My family's journey down the road less traveled....

Monday, May 26, 2008

The Harrowing Tales of Crash McCracken

In my last post I mentioned testing the Go-Kart for issues before letting the kids loose. We thought it best to work out all the kinks before they attempt a solo drive at 25mph. Well tonight I found a kink....during my maiden voyage on the kart-o-death, the accelerator cable broke leaving me balls out with the throttle stuck wide open. This would have been alright had Mikey installed the BRAKES!! As I careened down the neighbor's gravel lane headed towards Turkey Run Creek (yes, it's really a creek), I knew hitting the banks would be dangerous since the drop off is about 6 feet. The impending 10 acres of woods didn't look very inviting either and since I really didn't want to experience pain or make a trip to the ER, I swung a hard left into the newly planted soybean crop (sorry little plants!!). I had to carefully weigh my options and they all sucked. Either I drive it in circles until it ran dry, which would have taken close to 3 hours since we had just fueled it or I let Mikey try and grab on to hit the kill switch, which I was unable to reach. The lack of a good padded seat made my decision easier. I thought it best to give Mikey time to get out back to me so I made a large loop then headed back towards the house. I was able to slow the demon-kart a bit by going up a slight hill at the edge of our property. That's the point when Mikey (aka Captain Peg Leg-my superhero minus the tights) grabbed on to the rail of the kart, jumped onto the back and brought Mr. Toad's Wild Ride to a not so screeching halt but a halt none the less. Poor guy, he hadn't run that much since, shit, he's never run that much. Ever. He's Peg Leg.

I can laugh about it now but in the moment it was a bit scary. Damn devil-kart. I'm just glad it happened to me versus one of the kids. I told Mikey that if he was planning on killing me it's usually best to take out an insurance policy first. Some folks aren't that bright. Anywho...stay tuned for the next episode of the Harrowing Tales of Crash McCracken and remember kids...keep drinking your Ovaltine!!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

2008 Redneck Games

Studies show that many families participate in sports together to strengthen and unify as a unit. Popular activities include hiking, bike riding, karate. Well, here in Redneck Country we have specialized games tailored specifically to our eccentric lifestyles. These activities epitomize the intuitive nature of Rednecks, and like mainstream recreation often bring families closer together in the process. Several well-known games include cat flingin'(takes care of those pesky, over-breeding barn cats), TV shootin' (therapeutic anger management), and beer can crushing (involves the family in recycling). Being a family of innovators, we've created a new sport that we know will soon become a Redneck favorite. Go-Kart Draggin' (the draggin helps to reduce exhaust emissions and therefore reducing the Redneck's carbon footprint). It's typical in a Redneck home to have many unfinished projects and we're no exception. We are nothing if not resourceful, so we've developed a way to turn that incomplete project into an afternoon of fun. Please enjoy this video of the first ever Go-Kart Draggin' Regional Qualifying Round 1.

Actually, Michael needed to test the suspension since he designed and fabbed it up from scratch. Better to have something fail or break at lower speeds than when the kids are full throttle going 20-25mph and with a 6.5hp engine it's definitely possible. Better safe than making a trip to the ER, I always say!!

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Dancin' Queens

My beauties have been taking ballet and jazz classes for the past few months and their recital was last night. Now considering who their parents are (Clumsy and Limpy) the odds of them being completely graceful are slim, yet we have hope. Fingers crossed that being gawky and awkward will skip a generation!! All in all the girls had a blast and that's what counts.

My Dancin' Queens, they may very well feel the beat from the tambourine, keeping up with it is another story!!