Great Moments in Parenting...

I've heard that as parents, we will experience tons of amazing, memorable moments during our kid's lives. I know our children are still very young in the grand scheme of life and we haven't even begun to witness the lion's share of these events. Yet those we have seen are properly documented and cemented in our minds for eternity, or until the time of mashed foods and adult diapers. I can easily bring to mind several... Chloe's first step, bringing Grace home from the hospital, hearing the midwife tell me, "it's a boy". As the kids have grown the moments have evolved and are now based on their own accomplishments as unique, creative beings. Case and point...Eli received a ukulele about 2 weeks ago and has been walking around ever since playing the heck out of the poor thing. Given Michael's influence, he's even created his own brand of music.....ukametal. Imagine death metal on a ukulele-scary!

Michael decided the boy needed a proper ax to shred and we made a special trip to the String Shoppe on campus to pick one up. Seeing Eli's face light up when he heard the sound of his Fender Strat Mini thru his very own Marshall amp was priceless. It definitely qualifies as one of those moments that you'll carry with you forever. Michael was so overcome with joy, pride and maybe even a little gas that he teared up right in the parking lot. Nothing like a Fender to bring a grown man to weep. In public. Freak.

Bout time boy!!!

The world and Patrick family proudly welcomes Colton Christopher into it's folds. We've been waiting for this little guy, earlier dubbed "Baby Boogie", for what seems like an eternity. We are proud as all get out to have another strong Patrick boy to add to the mix. The girls were starting to take over and all that estrogen and attitude was getting thick. Not that we don't love our drama queens (their Hannah Montana songs are grating after a while) but it's fun playing with Hot Wheels cars, shooting bad guys with toy guns, turning a bike ride into a secret spy mission and reading Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel night after night.

We are so excited to watch Colton grow into a mischievous little boy and Aaron and Becca grow into the amazing parents we know they will become.

Nature abounds...

Total unrelated to recent posts but I had to share. While out filming the kids boggin, I heard a momma bird in a pine tree, I'm sorry, Mikey has just informed me that it's a "blue spruce, technically, cough, cough." Asshole...anyway. Every time we moved the branch to get a better view, their little heads popped up with mouths open expecting food. Amazing little creatures.

Knee high by the 4th of July....

Knee high??? Only knee high?? Knee high is for girls and Frenchmen!!

Happy 4th of July!!!

On this most revered day marking our nations birth and Independence from the tyrannical English rule we must remember the sacrifices made by those soldiers and their families. These great people were truly salt-of-the earth folks and the predecessor to the modern day rednecks of the nation. Gun toting, flag waving good ol' boys and girls!! To honor them we've returned to our roots...well more like the wet earth surrounding the roots!!

Thanks to the copious amounts rain we have a HUGE puddle in the lane, perfect for mud boggin. Kids had a blast, got soaked and Eli had clumps of mud in his hair and ears!!!

The videos keep coming!!!

Well, the go-kart is kink free and the kids were able to take it for a spin last weekend. Chloe is turning out to be a speed freak and actually cackles as she's driving!!! At one point she executed a beautiful slide coming out of a turn, Mikey was so proud he misted up for a second!! Grace is a bit like her mother in this area and is more cautious with her speed, however once she's comfortable I can see her pushing the limits too. Poor Eli has some growing to do before he's able to reach the gas, so for now he's a contented passenger.

We strapped the camera on Grace in the passenger seat to get a bird's eye view of their ride. They were able to make a full lap in just under 40 seconds!! Not too shabby. Unfortunately, the footage of that ride has gone MIA in the dark bowels of the camera's memory, when I find it I'll throw it up. Hopefully the go-kart will sate their need for speed, at least for a little while. We're going to be headed to National Trails Raceway later this summer to watch their friend, an 8 year old, very shy little girl, race her Junior Dragster. I haven't found a Girl Scout badge for that one yet!! I have a bad feeling it'll spur the adrenaline junkies hidden in my girls and we won't hear the end of it until they have something faster!!!






Woohoo!! I found the on board camera video

The Harrowing Tales of Crash McCracken

In my last post I mentioned testing the Go-Kart for issues before letting the kids loose. We thought it best to work out all the kinks before they attempt a solo drive at 25mph. Well tonight I found a kink....during my maiden voyage on the kart-o-death, the accelerator cable broke leaving me balls out with the throttle stuck wide open. This would have been alright had Mikey installed the BRAKES!! As I careened down the neighbor's gravel lane headed towards Turkey Run Creek (yes, it's really a creek), I knew hitting the banks would be dangerous since the drop off is about 6 feet. The impending 10 acres of woods didn't look very inviting either and since I really didn't want to experience pain or make a trip to the ER, I swung a hard left into the newly planted soybean crop (sorry little plants!!). I had to carefully weigh my options and they all sucked. Either I drive it in circles until it ran dry, which would have taken close to 3 hours since we had just fueled it or I let Mikey try and grab on to hit the kill switch, which I was unable to reach. The lack of a good padded seat made my decision easier. I thought it best to give Mikey time to get out back to me so I made a large loop then headed back towards the house. I was able to slow the demon-kart a bit by going up a slight hill at the edge of our property. That's the point when Mikey (aka Captain Peg Leg-my superhero minus the tights) grabbed on to the rail of the kart, jumped onto the back and brought Mr. Toad's Wild Ride to a not so screeching halt but a halt none the less. Poor guy, he hadn't run that much since, shit, he's never run that much. Ever. He's Peg Leg.

I can laugh about it now but in the moment it was a bit scary. Damn devil-kart. I'm just glad it happened to me versus one of the kids. I told Mikey that if he was planning on killing me it's usually best to take out an insurance policy first. Some folks aren't that bright. Anywho...stay tuned for the next episode of the Harrowing Tales of Crash McCracken and remember kids...keep drinking your Ovaltine!!

2008 Redneck Games

Studies show that many families participate in sports together to strengthen and unify as a unit. Popular activities include hiking, bike riding, karate. Well, here in Redneck Country we have specialized games tailored specifically to our eccentric lifestyles. These activities epitomize the intuitive nature of Rednecks, and like mainstream recreation often bring families closer together in the process. Several well-known games include cat flingin'(takes care of those pesky, over-breeding barn cats), TV shootin' (therapeutic anger management), and beer can crushing (involves the family in recycling). Being a family of innovators, we've created a new sport that we know will soon become a Redneck favorite. Go-Kart Draggin' (the draggin helps to reduce exhaust emissions and therefore reducing the Redneck's carbon footprint). It's typical in a Redneck home to have many unfinished projects and we're no exception. We are nothing if not resourceful, so we've developed a way to turn that incomplete project into an afternoon of fun. Please enjoy this video of the first ever Go-Kart Draggin' Regional Qualifying Round 1.

Actually, Michael needed to test the suspension since he designed and fabbed it up from scratch. Better to have something fail or break at lower speeds than when the kids are full throttle going 20-25mph and with a 6.5hp engine it's definitely possible. Better safe than making a trip to the ER, I always say!!

Dancin' Queens

My beauties have been taking ballet and jazz classes for the past few months and their recital was last night. Now considering who their parents are (Clumsy and Limpy) the odds of them being completely graceful are slim, yet we have hope. Fingers crossed that being gawky and awkward will skip a generation!! All in all the girls had a blast and that's what counts.

My Dancin' Queens, they may very well feel the beat from the tambourine, keeping up with it is another story!!

Olentangy Caverns

The kids and I recently took a field trip to the Olentangy Caverns in Delaware. For those readers in the vicinity or with a love of history and Indian lore, it's worth a look. The caverns range from 75-105 feet underground and were used by local Indians as a hideout. There's even a "lover's bench". Legend has it that a young female would lure her perspective beau to the tunnel near it, whack him on the head, the drag him over to the bench to nurse him back to health and in doing so, ensuring his undying affection. Nothing like putting the fear of a clubbing into a man to make him commit!!

The souvenir shop was a let down as most of the items boasted "Made in China" stickers but the kids were able to do some "gem" mining and found lots of local Ohio rocks and are now constantly on the hunt for additions to their collections.

Like Father, Like Son

Enough said....

Old Man Winter...kiss my @ss!!

A recent post was made and may have implied a fondness for winter on my part. I think it was the nostalgia conjured up from the first snow of the year. It brings back memories of hot cocoa, sledding and the coveted snow days off from school. However, let me set the record straight....winter and snow sucks!!!

These pictures were taken in the first few hours of the "Blizzard of '08". When all was said and done we had 3-4 ft snow drifts in front of the house and on the road. We might have considered it an opportunity to get cozy on the couch and ride it out had Michael not been scheduled to be in Cleveland the next day for training. Let me say it again...winter and snow suck!!

Now that spring has sprung and my flower beds are full of beautiful daffodils, tulips and other pretties I've yet to identify, the memory of that awful cold, white stuff is distant. Next year I'll make sure to read old entries before waxing poetic about the "beautiful" snow. For now, I'm just enjoying the sight of laundry on the line, new flowers emerging from the soil and the sound of my kids. Outside, finally!!

Whoa!! Was that an Earthquake??

I'm sure many of you were wondering what caused the ground to shake so violently on Sunday evening. It felt like the Earth was thrown off orbit and was being hurled out in to the galaxy. Was it an asteroid slamming into the Earth? An earthquake? Had the end time prophecy arrived? No my friend, it wasn't any of those. However, it was an occurrence as rare as all the above happening simultaneously with Woody Allen making People magazine's Most Beautiful list. Be prepared to be shocked and amazed at the actual answer. Drum roll please................My husband washed dishes!!!!

Once I recovered from the shock I was able to sneak up on this elusive creature and snap a few photos. This beast from the rare species of dishes washes husbandi is normally found deep in the wilds of GarageLand hiding amongst the tool chests and car parts. This particular specimen had been tagged years before and records indicate that at one point, many years ago, he was often found in KitchenLand assisting is mate the tiredous wifeous. Crikey, that's a beautiful beast! For this species to expose itself in an environment completely free of potential hiding spots is a rare sight indeed. Scientist are hopefully with extensive training and possible shock treatment he will once again be able to assist his mate.

Oh, those wonderful snowflakes...

It always amazes me how unprepared I am for the first snow of the season. It sneaks up on me so quickly. I try to prepare for it each year yet fail miserably. I'm referring to the emotional aspect of it all, not the bad roads and shoveling. Can there be an emotional perspective to snow? Maybe it's a reaction to the stress in my life or possible it could be the first glimpses of my fear of aging and mortality. Regardless of where it stems from, it produces the most amazing affect. It's during the first snow that this melancholy wave hits me. It's less of a classic sad state than wistful, actually. It's during the brief time when the first snowflakes are wafting down, till the moment the world is actually silenced by the weight of it all that I am able to completely appreciate my existence on Earth. In those fleeting moments it feels as if I've been able to hit the pause button on life and just breathe in it's beauty.

In a world obsessed with belonging, I get a moment of isolation.

Seems kinda deep for a gal like me and normally I would never imagine uttering these words aloud. Given the handful of folks who actually read this blog, I doubt I'll ever have to suffer and see the smirk of laughter on your faces. It is not my intention to go all philosophical on you, so let's chalk it up to a bad case of Christmas present wrapping trauma and never speak of it again!!

One in a million chance....

No doubt you'll be skeptical when I tell you I was sucked in by another black hole. Pesky little suckers, ODOT really should address the problem. At least throw a few orange barrels up to warn ya!! I digress. Many moons have past since my last post and the Patrick family has undergone several drastic changes, most importantly.....we bought a house!!

After months of grueling searching, looking at shack after cesspool, we found the winner. We spent the summer driving all over central Ohio looking at places. We saw homes with mold, bugs, green shag carpet, kinky torture rooms, open septic tanks, bare electrical wires and even stumbled across the carcass of a deer hanging in a garage. Needless to say, when we found our gem we pounced like well....um...something on something(I never was good at coming up with that kinda quip). Casa de Patrick is nestled on just over 2 acres in the middle of nowhere surrounded by hundreds of acres of farmland. Not paradise for many of you but we couldn't be happier.

I'd like to thank Will and his freakish boredom for the wonderful aerial shots.

I guess I should get on to the kiddies...all doing extremely well. Chloe is back homeschooling, she had enough public school to last her for a while. Currently in the 3rd grade and kicking ass!! Her recent aptitude tests scored well above grade level(again) and she's enjoying working at her own accelerated pace. She is a favorite among her fellow Girl Scouts and is a near prodigy at toilet humor!!

Grace just turned 7 and is in 1st grade. She has finally gotten over her shyness issue and blossomed into an amazingly weird kid. Her sense of humor is a nice mix of snarky and offbeat. She's growing like a weed and is only 2 inches shorter than Chloe and wearing the same size clothing. Usually dressed in all pink she can often be found in the garage pretending to haul ass in the go-kart or out climbing trees in the yard. Like I said, truly strange kid.

There's not much to be said about Elijah that the words, "exhausting little busybody" doesn't sum up! Now 4.5yrs old, he's on the go from the moment he wakes up! He's in heaven out here since tractors and trucks are always in view. He told me when he grows up he's going to be a farmer, have lots of cows and Daddy and I are going to help. Mmmm, okay...as long as I get to drive the combine!!



Mikey and I are doing well too. I've been busy juggling both girl's school work, Girl Scouts, the house and business but it has kept me out of trouble! Right now I'm spending my free time scouring design books and HGTV looking for redecorating ideas. Peg Leg is really taking off and hopefully by the first of the year we'll have a new line of products. It's been tough with the move and Michael being switched from 3rd to 2nd shift(both of which suck), to work on new designs. As I often remind myself, it comes little by little to those who have faith. I know where my faith is, I just keep losing my patience! I think it's at the bottom of my purse next to the lint covered cough drop.

When one door closes, another one opens.....

Please welcome Dagny Taggart to the family. She is a 2 yr old beagle we adopted from a local shelter. She was going by the name Bunny but since it sounded like a stripper's stage name, we changed it. And no, she doesn't know who John Galt is. The kids have taken to her and she has adapted well to the chaos we produce!!

We would also like introduce to you to Octopus the Cat. Mikey (aka the sucker) was conned into this little gal while purchasing a saw at a neighbors yard sale. I guess it could have been worse, the woman was hawking Avon, Tupperware, satelite TV service and Mary Kay!!
**We would like to acknowledge Elijah for his creative talents at naming Octopus the Cat.**

Nelson Muntz Patrick May 2006-April 29th, 2007

Nelson
Our adorable chewer of toys, licker of feet, destroyer of balls,
furry little bed warmer.
Your time with us was short but memorable.
Rest in peace buddy.
Love,
Michael, Deborah, Chloe, Grace and Elijah

Lost in a Black Hole

So there I was, walking down the street, minding my own business when I was suddenly sucked into a Black Hole!!! Imagine my surprise to realize that months had past while I was floating away trapped in that vortex of nothingness. Okay, so maybe I stretched the truth a little. You'll have to admit it's a much better excuse for not posting than "life got busy"etc... Let me catch up a bit: Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Valentine's Day,Happy St. Patrick's Day and Happy Easter. If I forgot something.....Happy "insert holiday here". Whew!!!

The Patrick household has been in a constant state of motion since the last post. We all had a great Christmas and New Year, got lots of goodies(Yay Santa!!) Chloe turned 8 in January and Elijah turned 4 in the beginning of April. Grace(still 6) is the best darned Girl Scout EVER!! Her school and speech therapy is coming along wonderfully. Chloe was able to be in the Highland High School's production of Oliver as an orphan in the workhouse. We always knew she was a drama queen, now we have proof!!

Michael finally started cutting up the Bug. He's decided to go with a Roadster look and has proceeded to COMPLETELY disassemble the car!!! With the Larry's bug show in a mere 7 weeks I am beginning to have my doubts that it'll make it. On a good note, Peg Leg Metalwerks has been productive. March has been our best grossing month to date, selling over a dozen extenders!!

I promise not to go MIA for so long again!! I'll do my best to avoid Black Holes, alien abductions, space-time continuums, the Bermuda Triangle, mugger bunnies with knives and wrinkles in time(oh, wait the last one was a book!!)

~Deborah

Chopper update

The girls (with a little assistance) were able to remove all of the "ugly". Here we have a before shot of the bare frame and a picture of the proposed style. Knowing Michael it'll change several times before he makes a final decision!!!

My Little Chopper Girls

Michael got a new "fixer-upper"-a 1977 Yahama 360. The bike has transformed my darling little princesses into Paulie and Senior from American Chopper(minus the f-bomb). Seen here they are stripping off the ugly.